For Grumpy

Around 5pm on Saturday 19th September 2009, the world became a poorer place. My world crashed, shrivelled, and changed forever. Our beloved Grumpy, Harry Anthony Kobrin (Tzvi ben Shalom) died in Cape Town.

We have been blessed with so many wonderful memories of times that we have shared with you. My earliest memories are of you taking Dee & I down to the beach in Camps Bay, laughing with us as we tried to keep the sand off our granadilla ice lollies.

Your tanned brown skin, your beach chair, and the fire in your eyes.

Your distinctive smell of Badedas and Aramis 900.

Years later, when I would return to Cape Town as an adult, I remember watching you and Wayne picking strawberries in Stellenbosch and recognizing that this moment was precious and indescribable and would be treasured forever.


I am so grateful that you got to meet the man I share my life with, and that you loved him as much as you loved me.

I will never forget the weekend that we shared together last month, and will always cherish our time together watching the rugby, drinking wine and beer, and shouting for Bakkies!

Thank you for the wonderful week that you spent in our home in June. It was an honour and a privilege to have you that close to us for that time.

I love that you took the chance, opened your heart, and took the time to build the relationship that we had after suffering so many disappointments from your family.

Selfishly, I love that you recognized me as your favourite!

I love how your face would light up when we saw you and how grateful you were when we came down to visit you.

I love how when we had our weekly conversations you would refer to me as your beloved granddaughter, and tell me to 'Keep Getting There!'.

I loved listening to your stories (many of them more than once!) about your childhood in Vrede, your experience in the war, your life on the road with your soul mate, your family.

I admire that you died on your own terms, in your own time, in your palace, with your Queen.

I revered your quiet wisdom, and will always hold you in the highest regard.

You were a King amongst mere men, Grumps...

Grumpy - Sunday's will never be the same. I will miss beating you to our weekly phone-call, your words of encouragement, and your love. I hope that wherever it is that you find yourself now has an abundance of fine Villiera wines, a fantastic rugby team, and magnificent sunsets for you to watch.


We miss you so much, and have been so blessed to have shared your life.
Thank you sounds hollow and insufficient when trying to acknowledge all that we feel for all that you have done and all that you have shared with us. So instead, I say "Namaste, Grumpy" ... I greet that place where you and I are one, and I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light and of peace.

As You Get Married

To our darling Boy:
I remember you as you were. Now I see you as you are. A beautiful, kind, generous, and thoughtful individual. Strong and caring. Frustrated by injustice, you have always fought for what you believed was right. Zealous in nature, yet caring and compassionate.
We are so proud that you have chosen someone whom you trust enough to spend the rest of your life with. That reason alone would be enough to get us to love her.

As you approach your wedding, a few words of encouragement for you from us:
Do not expect perfection, and you will not be surprised. All good things take time and work, but with these on your side you can achieve your version of perfection.
Ignore other peoples’ judgement. Rather follow your heart, for it will never betray you. Appreciate your wife for all that she is and all that she isn’t – she is the partner that you have chosen to live your dream and build your future with. Do not vent frustration at her that deserves to be vented elsewhere. Listen when she talks, because you never know when what she is saying may be important to her. Give her the space and freedom to develop as a person, and as a wife. Expect to make mistakes. Forgive yourself when you do. Hold tightly to your beliefs, because they will guide you through more than you can imagine. Learn to say sorry. Learn to fight properly – do not be hurtful. Remember to discuss the problem or the situation, and not attack the person that you love.
Above all, have fun. Marriage is a beautiful adventure, filled with joy and giggles.

To the newest member of the family:
We are so excited to finally be able to have you as an official member of our family! We believe that you will make an awesome wife, and one day, a beautiful mother. As you enter into this new phase of your relationship, remember to be kind to each other, and understand that your new role may make you uncomfortable and times. Be gentle with yourself, as all the best things in life take time. Enjoy making your new home. Cook – it can really be a labour of love, even if you burn a few pots and pans along the way. Remember to maintain your beautiful sense of humour in your marriage; there are very few situations that you won’t be able to look back on one day and laugh at. Be affectionate with each other. There is nothing like a warm hug or snuggle to lift the spirits. Be considerate towards each other. Work together as a team, and you will be amazed at what you can achieve together. Do not compare your marriage to others. All of them are unique, and only the two of you will know what will make it work for you. Remember that the best of all material things will do nothing to salvage a bad marriage. Don’t get into a knot about being a perfect wife, as they don’t exist in reality. Be yourself, the same woman he fell in love with, and all the rest will fall in to place.
And yes, above all, have fun! Marriage is a beautiful adventure, filled with joy and giggles.

The Year In A (Pea)nutshell

I’m not really a big New Year’s Eve person. For many years now, it has only represented a calendar shift for me. I don’t celebrate it, I don’t dread it, I don’t plan anything for it (other than an early night), I don’t use it as a marker date to start something new or make resolutions, and I don’t use it as an opportunity to reflect on the year that has past.

The time around my birthday however, is a different story. I tend to get a bit introspective and delve into the shadows of the past 12 months. It means that I have successfully drawn breath for another 365 days. As of this weekend, I will officially be closer to 40 than 30, so here goes:

It’s been another blessed and interesting year.

This time last year I was bored out of my skull and completely underutilised as a PM at a bank. It paid the bills, but I was unfulfilled and it felt like thievery – I was literally being paid to do nothing but show up. 8 hours can be an extremely long day. I used to think that this would be my dream job, but I was wrong. By March I had begun my job hunt in earnest and was growing weary and more exasperated with every agent I met and every CV I sent out. The place that I was working was going through a restructure, and communicated that they would not be renewing any contracts. Mine expired in July, so the pressure was on. I fluctuated between really excited when I got good feedback from interviews and was invited to a second, to really frustrated by how long the process was taking. Nothing makes me more insecure than the possibility of financial drama, so this wasn’t a particularly good time for me. To add insult to injury, my guru friend who I would usually turn to in this type of situation left the country. My monthly sushi and sauvignon play-date set off for greener pastures with his beautiful family. I miss him.

March also saw us taking a long weekend down in the fairest Cape. Beautiful memories of time spent with my Grumpy, gorgeous sunsets, wine, food, love, and family bonds.

By the end of March, we had been in our ‘new’ home for 5 months. We are still giddily happy there, and love spending time at home either by ourselves or with others. With the glum outlook on the workfront, my inner drama queen panicked and decided that we couldn’t afford to keep it. I’m eternally grateful that a buyer didn’t materialise.

April saw two job offers materialise. Yippee! I declined them both. One would have required me to be US based for a third of my time, and the other just seemed way too much like hard work in a grey, dull suit and tie bank in the CBD. I was also named in the credits of a book as a source of inspiration! My ego is still recovering.

In May I started a photography course part-time. Fun. Although I don’t remember or make use of much that I learned there, it was great to go on a course because I wanted to learn something and not to get a certificate at the end.

June was an emotional rollercoaster, and the pressure was on. Between January and June, I had been on about 30 interviews to agents and companies, sent my CV out hundreds of times, and was still facing unemployment. I was crumbling quietly. In situations like this, I withdraw, snap, panic, cave, capitulate, dramatise, and do not allow support, because I am unable to articulate what I need. Talk to me … leave me alone. Hug me … don’t touch me. Mention one trite phrase like ‘It’s all going to be ok” and I am likely to either snap your head off or collapse into a heap of tears. Needless to say, my husband also had a miserable month. Then a brilliant job offer materialised. 3 km’s from home, prestigious company, great potential, great money, and it was a new position doing something that I suspect I could have done well and added much value. I was over the moon. It happened so quickly! I went in for an interview at 8, was back in my car at 8:30, and had the written offer in my mail the next day. We went out celebrating in style. Then a few days later the offer was sheepishly retracted due to the fact that as a permanent employee I would skew their equity statistics. I was just too white. I was devastated. I was desperate. My contract was expiring soon, and I felt like I just couldn’t dig deep and find the strength to face another interview and answer the same dumb questions. I got off the phone from the agent who had the horrible job of telling me that the offer was retracted, cried, and went to my room. Lying there contemplating my future, feeling exceptionally sorry for myself and very alone, I got a call from the HR department of a company that I had interviewed with twice – a real outside chance, miles from home, in an industry that I have no experience in. They were making me an offer. I signed the offer the following week, and started working for them on a contract basis at the end of July.

July passed in a blur. I am a creature of habit, so I find any change traumatic. My thoughts were consumed with the idea of starting a new job. Needless to say I survived, and despite myself have even managed to somewhat enjoy it.

August was filled with love. We celebrated our first anniversary on the 11th. I am so grateful and constantly awed by the wonderful person who tolerates all of me every day. Friends of ours also had reason to celebrate with babies being born and house moves. Another long time friend and her family left the country for the land down-under.

September was heartbreaking. My favourite friend left to pursue his dreams in Canada, with his partner and dogs following suit in early October. It still feels like I have had a limb amputated, but I have accepted that this is where they are meant to be for now.

October and November whizzed past in a haze of year end functions, work, social arrangements, wine, work pressures and heat. December brought with it welcome relief and a much needed holiday in a beautiful, serene location. We also got the good news that my cousin and his girlfriend had finally gotten engaged.

We plodded through January getting back in to the swing of things after our relaxing break, battling to get back into the daily grind routine and making empty promises to start buying Lotto tickets.

February brought news of a tragic loss to a close friend. My heart still breaks for him. Machines kicked in, things were done, but the pain continues. The sudden death of a young woman made apparent to me just how unprepared we were in the event of one of our deaths. We have since gone through the somber and expensive business of getting wills drawn up, taking out life insurance, and updating our affairs. Nobody likes to contemplate their own mortality.

Looking back at the year past, I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the beautiful, amazing people that I have in my life and the love that I am surrounded by. Although I don’t consider myself a particularly high maintenance person, I know that I am no easy cookie either. I have so much. I am constantly amazed by the outstanding man that I share my life with, I have exceptional friends who get what I am about, two step-children who are a source of love and beauty, a brilliant job, and more than I could ever ask for.

If the year ahead is as filled with joy and abundance as the one that I have just been through, then I remain the most blessed nut on the planet.

Happy birthday to me!

Eating Our Way Through Jozi

Mythos/Parea: Mythical greek food. We tend to swap between the two, preferring one over the other for a few weeks. Mythos for garlicky, smooth, skortalia and greek savory pastries, Parea for the best calamari and lamb chops in town.

Portuga: For old style Mozambique prawns in beer sauce, and mussels in cream garlic sauce.

Bottega: For the best breakfast and brunches, proper rye toast and perfect poached eggs.

Rainbow Sushi: The best sushi, and the beef with ginger and spring onion. Cheap hole in the wall, always busy, never disappointing.

The Local Grill: Best steaks in JHB at the moment. We used to go to the Grillhouse, but have had some of the best steaks and shoestring fries with polenta crusted onion rings ever there, so keep going back.

Espresso: Cubed Fillet peri peri with shoe string fries. Bucket of fries and halloumi with blue cheese sauce and peri peri sauce on the side. Strawberry Daquiri and Lynchberg Lemonade. Need I say more?

Doppio Zero: Probably our most frequented place this year. Awesome soup with fresh Italian bread, surprisingly unbelievable steaks, great salads, and an extensive menu to choose from.

Giovanni Pane Vito: Excellent pasta, served in a huge pan, enough for 2 (if ever I was going to share).

Bukhara: Authentic Indian food. Expensive and not always consistent, but we have not managed to find a consistently good Thai or Indian place that we can call home.

JB’s Corner: The staple fall back place for burgers and salads.

Why I Love Sundays With You

I invited you on a date. Formalised the request in a text message. You accepted, and we were all set.
A lazy Sunday morning, then the slow process of getting ready for the brunch date. Fruity smelling shower gels, toes painted in Ruby Red. Freshly buffed skin and aftershave.
On our way...

Arrive at the hotel. Piano being tickled lightly in the background, some tune that I vaguely recognise. We take a table outside under the trees, the sun shining mildly after three weeks of rain. We are the only ones outside. The place to ourselves.

Fresh bread and creamy French cheeses.
We make small talk and smile politely at the waiter.

Marinated sweet and tangy shrimp salad, mussels dressed in chili and sweet peppers.
We discuss how we met.

Smoked salmon and sharp capers, bright and rosy on a stark white plate.
A fruity bottle of wine, crisp and sweet on the tongue.
Giggles and smiles as we reminisce.
The waiter fades into the background.

Juicy dusted kingklip, comforting pea mash, sweet roasted root vegetables.
We discuss our fears, provide reassurance, make plans for a future that seems so certain.
Reflect on how grateful we are for what we have and where we are.

The wine bottle is drained, tuned upside-down in its bucket of melting ice.
You know me so well. You know that dessert is just a gluttony that there is no space for.
You laugh and predict that I will be asleep within the hour. I smile dreamily.

We settle up and leave. Drive home through the warm lunchtime sun.
At home, I drift into a welcoming layer of sleep before the DVD has even started. The type of sleep that has been escaping me for a few weeks.

You are a perfect date. I really like you.
Let's do it again real soon...